Jason

5 word challenge: the con

Comments

[this is good]
Jason, I loved this. Ya making me wanna put on my five words hat again. Nice job.

Ah, I do enjoy a good short story driven by the 5 word challenge. It's been a minute for me; Actually, it's been a couple of years since I dropped out of my ad hoc writing group and it susbsequently disbanded.

Perhaps I should dust off my spot on Vox and play along.

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i really liked this. you've done such a good job of conveying emotion. and the ending surprised me too. my only suggestion would be to stay with his point of view instead of changing to the mother's & was there a consistency issue here? at first they were seeing one another and then he was on the phone. small things that are easy to fix...i'm impressed with your ability to convey emotion. hope to read more of your stuff in the future.
Thanks Amanda. To pull back the curtain on this piece, it didn't start out as being set in a prison visiting area. In fact, it didn't even start as a story about a con artist (at least not figuratively) but a conversation between friends.

I knew the opening line, "It's not about trust, it's about rhythm" and I expected it to be more lyrical/jazzy/snappy but it ended up flowing like a one-act which lent itself to the dual perspectives which, I agree, are a bit of a problem but I'm not sure it has to do with the two perspective approach but in the execution.

I might edit this a few more times. It could have legs as something longer.
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sigh, figuratively=literally.
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The rhythm of the mom seemed near flawless. I would love for you to tighten up Henry's response. What instrument is he? Overall, I love the substance and the dramatic tension. Great stuff.

[this is good]

Nicely done!

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