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5 Word Challenge - Wake Up Call

Comments

Keep up this work, AI. You're doing a terrific job and your work has wide rings. Every person who stays sober because of you, wil help another. I'll keep you and Katie in my thoughts.....
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I ditto Patricia...Bravo to you spreading the news and word. :)
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Well-done story.
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i really liked the pace here, you had my attention all the way through. this could be a much, much longer piece. my one and only suggestion is that maybe you could find a way to write the bit that starts "this is my secretary...." in a less obvious way. it comes across as kinda preachy while the rest of the piece just shows by example. based on what you've written i think you can get your message across with more subtelty. a very interesting piece with lots of potential. well done!

Thanks. I was rushing at the end, so it's a good observation.

Of course, every word of the story is true.

true stories are always so hard to tell in fiction. the fact is, if you're trying to fictionionalize the story, the truth doesn't matter. it can be maniuplated and changed in order to make a story stronger. it can be a good source of inspiration but it doesn't have to be used verbatim and it mostly shouldn't be because the truth can often ruin a good piece of fiction ;)

i'm sorry to hear that this happened. my condolences to you or anyone you knew who knew Katie.

You are absolutely right. I couldn't figure out a way to end the piece. I suppose I could have forewarned with the conversation with the parents (which happened at the viewing), and ended with just a broken statement of "this is my secretary Katie...", and left the rest unsaid. I just couldn't figure out how to pace it at the end.
i think that's because it's the beginning of something larger ;) she says in a mischievous tone :)

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