5 Word Challenge: bezerk, frisbeetarianism, staycation, shituation, fud
I’ve always been a religious dabbler, an X-Catholic, a Jack Mormon, 10 minute Buddhist, a three whirl Dervish, but, honestly, who would have thought the Frisbeetarians were right? And now here I am in this shituation: soul stuck on the roof, in permanent staycation. I mean, I can handle these things. I’m resourceful and I’ve spent many a summer perfecting the English on a disk toss. But what’s my poor mother going to do when she gets here, good Presbyterian woman that she is? It’s going to bring her to her knees and not in prayer. Everything she believed – fud. Bezerk. She’s going to go bezerk, disembodied up here for all eternity trying to learn the subtleties of extreme frisbee, converting to Frisbeetarianism, and finding her salvation was only slightly further than her attic.
]]>What soon-to-be-published book are you excited to read?
This is the new book coming out from one of my favorite Voxers, R.G. Ryan. The book is due to be published in September, and contains many of the best of R.G.'s observations from a seat at St. Arbucks. Please watch out for this book, and support a fellow Voxer by buying it when it comes out. If you are not familiar with R.G.'s writing, here's a sample.
]]>5 Word Challenge, Urban Dictionary Special: bezerk, frisbeetarianism, staycation, shituation, fud
"BS at work is to be expected and tolerated. What makes a job intolerable is the UBS--Unnecessary Bull Shit." – Sophie
No money, no funny...hmm... (checking bank balance)... I can't see any flight but fancy taking off with me on it, anytime soon.
Sure, Copacabana would be nice about now, but my religion – frisbeetarianism – doesn't promise any glorious sunny paradise when I die of overwork, and job doesn't allow any decent length of vacation to allow me to chill out before I do keel over...
Maybe tomorrow a good (cough-sputter) staycation with cat – stress leave (ahem) sick day – don't tell the office – just me and a bit of tetris and brownies, keeping the fud-slinging media turned and tuned out.
The phone'll be unplugged (shhhh, fever and migraine y'know) against whatever bezerk shituation flies at the work...it will just have to fly solo without my catching it. Maybe it will die quick and dull, like a summer fly, and drop without my swatting a sweat at it.
]]>5 Word Challenge: bezerk, frisbeetarianism, staycation, shituation, fud
Reporting for WVOX, I'm Elentari. Today, the leader of the extremest group FUD (Frisbeetarianists Unite for Destruction) went bezerk at the group's recent gathering. During a speech to his followers, The Frisbee Lord (as he is known to his followers) spoke out about the importance of Frisbeetarianism and the continuation of FUD in the social psyche. Though, halfway through his speech, he began screaming about the 'shituation' with the kite extremist group, the Kites Are Omnipresent (KAO). Apparently, the KAO is strengthening and staging a staycation to fill the air with kites and effectively destroy the FUD's entire organization. Mr. Frisbee Lord has been arrested and further details will follow in tonight's 10pm broadcast. Stay tuned! This is Elentari, reporting live for WVOX.
Little Miss Moppet
Sat on the carpet
Slurping down pasta and whey
The hold-out of the jury
They begged her "Please hurry!
It's shapeless now! Through it away!"
Before stepping into another universe, lie quietly on the carpet, the rough, itchy kind that's good for cat naps, and scratching shoulder blades. Dreams are not a jury for the day's blame. Few dream of spite because they actually despise anyone, or perhaps they do. Me, I only want to dream in Spanish, Michel Thomas and I will tour Madrid and the French countryside. He'll have pasta; I'll have a good piece of fish, and I will convince him to tell me his true involvement in World War II. But when I swim back into this universe, I remember that Senor Thomas is quite shapeless, after 3 years of rot in the grave. I may hang a while, floating in the milky whey between these two worlds, where I can steal from the will of my subconscious, sharpen the dream to a point, and bring an old man back to life, until my eyes are open.
]]>How it works: Write an entry of any length or style using five assigned words. Bold the five words. Tag your post with 5wordchallenge and any other tags you wish to add.
This week's challenge words: carpet, jury, pasta, shapeless, whey
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Sitting cross legged on the floor of my children's room, feeling the synthetic material of the carpet irritate my legs, we sorted through books trying to decide which one would be best for our bedtime storytelling.
How about some nursery rhymes kiddos?
What are nursing rhymes mommy?, asked Nate
Rhymes that are told to little kids for them to learn from and memorize. I still remember my favorite one when I was a little girl. (and it's NURSE-RY... not nursing).
Ooooo what is it? Tell us mom!, exlaimed Jenna bouncing up and down on the floor next to me.
Well, let's see if I can remember it, said I, as I rolled my eyes to the ceiling in an attempt to see right into my brain and dig out the dusty old rhyme I haven't recited in nearly 20 years.
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet...
What's a tuffet? asked Jenna
A little cushion you sit on, I replied
Like a pillow?
Yes, just like a pillow... but pillow doesn't rhyme with 'Muffet'... so that wouldn't work.
Oh.
May I continue?
Sure.
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet eating her curds and whey...
Whey? What the HECK is that? Jenna asked incrediously as Nate giggled and rolled on to his back on the floor.
It's some kind of porridge I think. But wondering to myself what it was...
Like Goldie Locks and the Three Bears porridge?
Yes, exactly like that.
What's porridge? Is it pasta?
Sigh. It's kinda like oatmeal or grits or something. I am not entirely sure... I've have never had any.
Oh.
May I continue?
Yes.
Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet, eating her curds and whey. Up came a spider and sat down beside her...
A spider? Mommy, spiders can't SIT. They don't have BOTTOMS. They are all legs.
Sigh. You are absolutely right Jenna. I'll be sure to pen a firmly worded letter to the author and explain the lack of logical writing his nursery rhyme has. Maybe I should turn him into the authorities for a lack of clarity in his writing? Would you like to be on the jury that condems him for his lack-luster rhyming? May. I. Continue. ?? !!!
Um, sure, but I think this is a stupid nursing rhyme mom.
Bedtime story time is becoming quite annoying to me at this point... my bed, grown-up book and glass of wine are calling to me... I just want to get this done with and go get some rest myself. These kids don't seem ready to let me though.
Like I was saying.... Little Miss Muffet sat on her tuffet eating her curds and whey. Along came a spider, sat down beside her and frightened Miss Muffet away.
I got through it! Thank. You. God. I could feel my glass of wine in my hand and the soft mattress beneath me already... not much longer now. Pleased with myself... I looked at both of my children with a smile on my face, proud that I still remembered all of it.
They looked at me with an expression of confusion and boredom. That's it?
Okay... okay... so it was really only my favorite NURSERY rhyme because of the beautiful illustration in the book I had growing up. Miss Muffet was very pretty and wore a gorgeous fluffly dress as she sat on her big red satin pillow. I guess it was more the drawing that I liked.
Where is the drawing in that book,?, Jenna asked as she pointed to the nursery book in my hands.
I looked down and flipped to the table of contents, found the rhyme. Jenna and Nate scooted closer to me to peak over my shoulder at the twenty-first centery version of the poem. A lack-luster illustration stared back at us. Sitting there in a shapeless dress on a flat little pillow was our modern version of Miss Muffet. Muted tones of yellow and green. It reminded somewhat of what you find on the inside of a baby's diaper... not something to spark imagination and wonder.
She has yellow hair. I like yellow hair mommy, said Nate
That's about the only thing she has going for her, I thought. Looking at Jenna, I could clearly see her disappointment.
She certainly isn't as attractive as the little Miss Muffet in my book.
No kidding! said Jenna with a giggle. She needs a makeover!
I chuckled at the though of Miss Muffet in the chair at our local salon and said, Okay time for bed monkeys, as they climbed into my lap and on my back giggling. I could feel their energy levels rising, ready for some tumbling on the floor.
WHAT?! NO! WE WANT OUR BEDTIME STORY!
We aren't tired yet!!
Sigh. That glass of wine was getting further away by the moment. The carpet was leaving embossments on my legs.
What do you think we just spent the last half hour doing?
Listening to your stupid nursing rhyme, grimaced Jenna.
Yeah, it was 'tupid mommy. We read 'piderman 'tory intead? Nate asked as he batted his long eyelashes at me and smiled sweetly.
NO! The Princess and the Pea Mommy!! exclaimed Jenna
Sigh. So much for wine, book and bed.
Okay get up in bed and hunker down... I'll read both. Give me a kiss first.
Happy giggles are better than wine anyways.
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This story was based on actual events. Do not attempt this at home. Trust me, your children will think you are lame too.
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How it works: Write an entry of any length or style using five assigned words. Bold the five words. Tag your post with 5wordchallenge and any other tags you wish to add.
This week's challenge words: carpet, jury, pasta, shapeless, whey
Here's my entry:
The pasta provided as our evening meal -- and I'm using that term loosely -- is overcooked and watery. The alleged sauce is nothing more than a reddish liquid pooling like whey and threatening to swamp the paper plates as it drains from the mushy glop of lukewarm noodles. It's an unappetizing and shapeless mess. I'd just as soon skip it. My fellow jury members are tentatively digging in, hunger overcoming disgust for at least a few bites. The so-called chef should be called on the carpet. He's guilty of a greater crime than the defendant in our case.
]]>This is how it works: you get 5 words and with these 5 words you have
to write an entry. The words might or might not be related. You decide
how to combine them, and how long your entry will be. You tag your
entry with 5wordchallenge and whatever other tags you like. Finally, you put the words in bold.
This week's challenge: carpet, jury, pasta, shapeless, whey
The jury sat unmoving. Tension filled the air.
The whey sat in a bowl on the courtroom table.
Next to it a plate of dirty noodles.
At the prosecution table sat a woman, arms crossed at her chest.
It had been proven her child put down whey instead of milk for the family cat.
That issue would be dealt with later.
She couldn't believe it had come to this.
The courtroom door opened with a bang.
A shapeless man stood with the blinding sun behind him.
Finally, he stepped forward and her husband came into focus.
Then, he spoke...
"I confess. I spilled the pasta on the living room carpet."